“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

One of the most reoccurring questions that I get asked when I tell people about my trip on the JMT is “who’s going with you?” Most seem quite shocked when I tell them that I am going alone? Is it because they cannot imagine me going alone or themselves? Afterwards come the questions: What if you get hurt? Won’t you get lonely? What about the bears and mountain lions?

To be honest I am afraid, but my fear does not come from wild animals or wild people, but rather from my doubt about my ability to actually finish the trail.  As I prepare for this hike I have little doubt that I will be able to do it.  Finishing simply boils down to putting one foot in front of the other; one step at a time; day after day.  However, in the back of my mind there is a little voice that keeps asking “but, what if….” 

I have been dreaming of doing a long trail for over 20 years, and now that I am finally getting the chance to do one, I cannot help but wonder if I have the mental toughness to actually be successful.  Can I actually get up day after day and put one foot in front of the other and enjoy the moment, rather than worry about what is up ahead?  Will being away from my wife and son for longer than I have ever been before mentally beat me down? 

It is not the unknown trail that puts fear into me, but rather the doubt and fear of my own unknown self.  Do I have what it takes to live up to the image that I have constructed of myself in my own mind’s eye?  What if I do not?  How will this change me as a person and my own belief about myself and my own abilities?

Am I an addict???

My free time has been given over to planning my trip.  I wake up in the middle of the night and I am thinking about the trail.  Hi, my name is Jay, and I am a trail addict. I imagine I am not alone in my growing obsession with the trail.  With still over 5 months to go before I need something to do to help the time to go faster, and as I said before I love to plan.  I came across a great JMT trip planner program (Excel file) through the Yahoo! JMT group. It allows you to enter your campsite (based on Elizabeth Wink’s book) then calculates your daily mileage, elevation gain and loss. It is even customizable to your departure date, and will give you the sunrise and set time each day. A big thanks to its creator!

Currently it looks like I am going to be doing the trail in 18 days.  I am trying to get one of my permits changed to be able to leave a day early which would give me a 19 day trip.  The longer the better! It will be nice to be able to take it slow at the beginning and enjoy the trail.  The only fixed date I have is to get to Muir Trail Ranch 8 days before I finish, due to the amount of supplies that I am sending there. Using the Yahoo! Planner I have come up with the following plan:

Day	Daily Mileage	Campsite
1	4.4	Little Yosemite Valley CG
2	13.4	Lower Cathedral Lake
3	11.7	NW Evelyn Junction*
4	13.8	Thousand Island Lakes
5	12.2	N. of Minert Creek Crossing
6	9.2	N. of Deer Creek Crossing*
7	11.8	Lake Virginia
8	11.1	Quail Meadows
9	15.5	Sallie Keys Lakes
10	5.7	MTR South Cut-Off*
11	9.0	Evolution Valley Area
12	13.2	North Evolution Lake+
13	16.0	Upper Palisade Lake
14	16.1	Sawmill Pass Trail
15	10.3	Sixty Lakes Junction
16	18.2	Tyndal Creek
17	11.6	Guitar Lake
18	13.07	Lone Pine Hotel

                                                                       *Resupply                               + possible zero day

Even as I put this plan down in type, I wonder if I will actually stick to it once I hit the trail.  The best laid plans of mice and men and all.  It is a good way to pass the time, but I hate to think that I am going to be so rigid that I will not take advantage of opportunities when they arise out on the trail