“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're
not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth
it.”
― C. JoyBell C.
― C. JoyBell C.
One of the most reoccurring questions that I get asked when
I tell people about my trip on the JMT is “who’s
going with you?” Most seem quite shocked when I tell them that I am going
alone? Is it because they cannot imagine me going alone or themselves? Afterwards
come the questions: What if you get hurt? Won’t you get lonely? What about the
bears and mountain lions?
To be honest I am afraid, but my fear does not come from
wild animals or wild people, but rather from my doubt about my ability to
actually finish the trail. As I prepare
for this hike I have little doubt that I will be able to do it. Finishing simply boils down to putting one
foot in front of the other; one step at a time; day after day. However, in the back of my mind there is a
little voice that keeps asking “but, what if….”
I have been dreaming of doing a long trail for over 20
years, and now that I am finally getting the chance to do one, I cannot help
but wonder if I have the mental toughness to actually be successful. Can I actually get up day after day and put
one foot in front of the other and enjoy the moment, rather than worry about
what is up ahead? Will being away from
my wife and son for longer than I have ever been before mentally beat me
down?
It is not the unknown trail that puts fear into me, but
rather the doubt and fear of my own unknown self. Do I have what it takes to live up to the
image that I have constructed of myself in my own mind’s eye? What if I do not? How will this change me as a person and my
own belief about myself and my own abilities?
"Do I have what it takes to live up to the image that I have constructed of myself in my own mind’s eye?" This fully describe the way how I feel right now, some 137 days prior to the trip. Very nicely said.
ReplyDeleteYou're completely entitled to your misgivings. And if you don't at least try it..when you get to my age you'll always wish you would have.
ReplyDeleteJay, now that you read my blog, you know you can do it! And I know you can do it too!!! Don't doubt! Have faith! You'll deal with the "whaf ifs" when they are there. There is a right time for everything! Look forward to meeting a part of yourself you maybe've never met before. You will be able to get up day after day and leave those footprints in the sand cuz the Sierra is just too beautiful. The beauty makes up for muscleache and tiredness, for loneliness and missing! Trust me, once you set your first foot on the JMT.... Just go and have a hike of a lifetime!!! Happy trails!!! Cat
ReplyDelete